So I flew back from Kansas on Thursday and am now back in NYC. It was very very fun being in Lawrence and seeing Kansas City, which I love (Tuesday night we went to the glamorous DRUM ROOM after seeing MR Gregg Todt of Federation of Horsepower playing a lovely stripped-down show featuring, among other thing, his 6-year-old son singing the Spiderman theme song), and I think Joi will be happy there. Krysztof and his adorable chitlins are pretty much perfect, and it's the kind of easy, sweet place where you can walk downtown and no place is too crowded and friends are everywhere and you hang out in people's houses and in cool little bars you don't have to push through 50000 people to get to. It's also a lovely place to be a writer I think, especially one like yours truly with a big deadline a-looming -- there are so many coffee shops where you can write all day, and it's just easy -- and if I wasn't heading to Berlin this fall I'd probably go there. But maybe I will next spring unless I want to stay me in some Europa. WHO KNOWS AS I AM LIKE THE WIND.

Oh and Wednesday we went to the GLORE PSYCHIATRIC MUSEUM in St. Joseph, Missouri, which is the weirdest, most disturbing museum I've ever been to, illustrating all kinds of barbaric old-time psychiatric treatments through the use of chipped-up wild-haired crazy lady fashion model mannequins and faceless male doctors. I mean look:













In this weird little box, please note the scotch tape used to create water, as well as Joi's admiring reflection in the glass:

Somehow we made it out alive -- alive, tho scarred eternally.

And then theremin was played for Krystof's dancing chilllen


and drinks were had


and dinner was eaten


and girls were girls and boys were boys


and all was well.

The end.

OH AND GODMOTHER WAS SOLD TO CHINA YESTERDAY!
And now I am going to get some lunch at MOMOFUKU -- please don't be too jealous.

The end.

So I just booked a ticket to Shreveport for the day after the glamorous Philly reading featuring me and Nicki Jaine at Trillian and Kyle's abode (on May 10! email me if you want the top secret address) -- I'm heading to East Texas to hang out with the gorgeous PULPWOOD QUEENS as they discuss their May pick, GODMOTHER. What exquisite taste those ladies have! I shall be staying with Kathy Patrick herself and hope to see an abundance of East Texas delights, including the scandalous grave of one Ms DIAMOND BESSIE.

Meanwhile Im still in Lawrence, Kansas. Joi, Krysztof and I left Omaha Saturday and headed into Kansas City for fondue and roller derby, then got back here in time for Easter festivities with Krysztof's gorgeous family. I mean look at these crazy chitlins:





Last night we hung out with Chris and Lydia and watched the cinema classic BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, but I was very tired and almost died, especially when they brought out a wily RODENT they have actually named and let crawl all over themselves. They even let it race around the living room floor in a glow-in-the-dark ball! Joi was giddy with delight while I nearly passed out from the assualt to my delicato sensibility. AS USUAL. Sigh.

Oh and here is Joi, Krysztof and me at La Buvette. Have I mentioned that Krysztof's website is here?



and our friend Gregg and Joi and Krysztof a few nights ago in Kansas City:



and here is my cousin and his wife Cindy a couple nights ago in Omaha. Aren't they so cute!

SO yesterday involved these wondrous Omaha-ian activities:

-- Hanging out with the glorious artiste Wanda Ewing, who took us to her house and showed us her artwork, which involves things like these gorgeous pin-ups on wallpaper



and the art she owns and fills her house with, including this DEEP FRIED BARBIE by Brett Reif



and latch-hook pin-ups by Whitney Lee.

Wanda took Joi, Krysztof and me to Louie M's Burger Lust, which stole all of our hearts, as you can see in this photo of Wanda and me



and then we left her and visited scooter shops and bookstores and our byoooteous hostess ALICE KIM's Omaha shop TROCADERO, which is chock-full of wonders and glamour -- shoes and notecards and purses and chocolates and makeup and plates and jewelry (bracelets with bird's nests!) and really, it's like a jewelry case flung open. I exercised extreme restaint and acquired only this extremely fashionable necklace.. please do not be too jealous. It does have starfish and shells hanging from it, as well as a huge glittery fake gem. Oh and I also bought some very very glittery nailpolish and eye shimmer.

I know.



So then we had wine and snacks with Alice at LA BUVETTE, which is as I've mentioned the best wine bar ever, and then we rushed off to BARNES & NOBLE. This B&N as I've mentioned has made Godmother its hand sell pick of the month and has sold like 100 copies of it so far and has, right at this moment, about 70 copies displayed right as you walk in. Look:



Please keep in mind that almost every other B&N in this country has about 4 or 5 copies on hand, many on display tables up front along with other new releases... and this one has SEVENTY. And makes announcements about the book like 4 times a day on the loudspeaker. It is quite amazing. Apparently, this all came about because a customer named MARTHA picked up Godmother as soon as it got to the store, read it, and recommended it to the manager, STEPHANEE, who then made it the pick of the month. Here I am with Martha and Stephanee:



And here is Joi with the very passionate and awesome community relations manager MARCIA, who arranged the event:



And here is my old friend Kelly with the novelist Timothy Schaffert, whose house we all went to after for champagne and who told us about his amazing-sounding new book about a missing child who may or may not actually exist:



And here is Alice with Bill, an Omaha-ian who had emailed me about Godmother and then came out last night with his VERY CUTE niece and nephew:



It was so casual I ended up not reading at all, just meeting staff and customers and signing all them books, and it was totally lovely and obviously Omaha is the best city ever.

Today we head back to Kansas City for FONDUE and ROLLER DERBY.

The end.

So Joi, Krysztof and I drove up to Omaha yesterday and met up with my mother's cousin Joe and his wife Cindy at LA BUVETTE, my favorite wine bar. Joe and Cindy drove in from Des Moines to see us -- and now I'm dying to go to Des Moines not to mention the famous IOWA STATE FAIR -- and I hadn't seen Joe since I was 16 and went to my great grandmother's funeral in Alabama and, before that, when I was maybe 6 or 7 and Joe came to see us for a few days in Illinois and my mama, sister and I left him off at some prairie-lined highway where he was going to hitchhike to his next destination. This seemed awfulllllly romantical to us. Anyway, it was totally lovely to see them and then my friend Alice joined us -- Alice, the glamorous NYC fashionista who up and left her life two years ago to buy a princess house and open a high-end accesory store in the Midwestern city of her dreams -- and we all whisked off to dinner and it was a gorgeous eve, and then Joe and Cindy left and Alice, Krysztof, Joi and I got some vino and went back to Alice's to sit in front of the fire and watch some tv. It is very hard to leave a cozy, wondrous princess mansion once one steps foot in.

But today we shall try, and my artist friend Wanda is on her way over and this afternoon we shall all get wine and my friend the genius novelist TIMOTHY SCHAEFFERT shall come and then tonight is my reading, where I shall see my old friend KELLY whom I haven't seen for maybe 16 years, and we shall go to Timothy's house as well as to bars with CHAMPAGNE ON TAP. Both sweet and dry.

THE END.

So I have two wondrous events coming up:

First, this Friday in OMAHA I will be reading at 7pm at the B&N at 3333 Oakview Drive. Joi, Krysztof and I are heading up tomorrow.. since I LOVE OMAHA, and then I found out last week that this B&N has made Godmother its hand sell pick of the month and has 100 copies in stock..! I've been visiting plenty of B&Ns in the last week or so and they all have about 4 or 5 copies on hand, NOT ONE HUNDRED. So they are obviously geniuses in Omaha, as I have long suspected. If you HAPPEN to live in Omaha or within 10 hours' driving, you should obviously attend.

THEN ON SUNDAY MAY 10th at 4pm I will be reading at the fabulous fireplace- and victrola-havin abode of MS TRILLIAN STARS and MR KYLE CASSIDY in West Philadelphia. And the wondrous NICKI JAINE will be singing gorgeous, Dietrich-esque cabaret. And I think it will be the most lovely evening ever. Oh, and I plan to read maybe a snippet of Godmother but then mostly from the mermaid book I'm writing now, and that should be out next spring or summer (I think)... If you can come to that, please email me (carolynturgeon at gmail dot com) for the top secret address!

Actually, in between those two things, on May 7, I will be going to a book club discussion of Godmother at the State College B&N...

IN OTHER NEWS, I totally love Lawrence and Kansas City. Joi, Krysztof and I headed in on Monday and met Chris and Lydia at this awesome live play version of THE BREAKFAST CLUB, then we met up with one Mr Gregg Todt and had some drinks and we were at this one bar where you can write in chalk on the bathroom walls so of course I wrote READ DANTE as I am extremely cool and like to promote literacy even whilst glamorously getting waysted. Actually, I drank like one wine and then switched to Diet Coke. Sigh.

Yesterday we finally unloaded and returned that damn Uhaul, which seemed so monstrous and badass at first but was actually pretty I GUESS A BIT ON THE DINKY SIDE (we pulled up next to another Uhaul truck back in West Virginia and it was then that I realized I was slightly less badass than I'd thought, but still a bit badass don't get me wrong).. And Chris and Lydia whisked me to a dinner that involved FRIED CORN ON THE COB and CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON, both of which were quite delicious tho I believes roodly made me quite sick later in the eve, and then a group of us ended up watching TWO LOVERS at the adorable old timey art theater here and then having some vino.

Today I must write like a mofo as I have some extreme deadline coming up for the mermaid book, which REALLY interferes with my vino-drinking chocolate-covered-bacon-eating time. But then tonight I get to partake in a dance party with Krysztof's chillens and then watch bellydancing videos and go bowling. The best way to spend a Wednesday night I always say.

The end.

So Joi and I arrived in Kansas yesterday, after 8 lovely days of travellin, and we're now sitting in Krysztof's living room with Joi's cats splayed sluttily all around. A big siren started going off just now as I was writing this and we are debating whether it is a tornado warning or not. Those damn wily tornadoes. Sadly, I think it was just a fire truck, so no being whisked off to Oz for us. Yet. I AM here for a week and a half so there's still plenty o time.

Our last day in Memphis was great: we went to Graceland and among other things had this delightful and elegant photo taken:



It was my second visit to Graceland, and I was again overcome by the desire to hang out with Elvis and his friends playing racquetball and riding golf carts around and eating weird sandwiches involving bananas and bacon. Speaking of which, I shall soon, maybe even as early as tomorrow, partake of a Lawrence, Kansas offering known as CHOCOLATE COVERED BACON. Please do not be too jealous. The place also offers deep fried corn on the cob, which seems an apt dish to follow the fried dill pickles Joi and I both became enamored of in Memphis.

After leaving Graceland and partaking of said fried pickles on Beale Street, then, we wandered about and had drinks at the Peabody Hotel and had drinks on Beale Street whilst watching an ELVIS IMPERSONATOR and shopped for weird memorabilia and came across two postcards with Krysztof's pin up art on them, which I of course bought, and then we met my friend Stephen for sushi at a restaurant where our seat was a BED and after he took us to this crazy dance club awash in DRY ICE and BALLOONS and MIRRORS and he and I even got up and danced to YOU GOT THE LOOK by Prince and Sheena Easton and it was awesome and then we drove around and went to other places and it was a lovely, weird night overall which is how all nights should be.

Here are some photos:



















Then Saturday we went to three Memphis bookstores where I signed stock and met peoples, and then we were off to COLUMBIA, MISSOURI. I loved the drive. I loved all the driving, and I did all of it I might add, but I did like leaving Memphis and heading through Arkansas and into Missouri. I lived in Illinois from 6 months old to 8 years, and we drove to Missouri every summer to visit my grandparents, so I do got this romantic sort of longing for it and felt happy drifting through that flat terrain.

Oh, and in Blytheville, Arkansas, we stopped at THAT BOOKSTORE IN BLYTHEVILLE on River's recommendation, and I introduced myself to the lovely lady Norma who was working there and told her I'd written a book she might have in the store and would be happy to sign it and she looked at me suspiciously and found the one copy they had on the shelf and returned to the counter, setting it down, and then a minute later she realized she'd read an advanced copy of Godmother and suddenly her whole demeanor changed and she was friendly and animated and told me how much she'd loved the book and she couldn't believe I was there.. and it was very funny and sweet.

We stopped to gaze upon the Mississippi too somewhere in south Missouri, and stopped in a couple of weird little towns to get gas, places where the locals looked at us like we were some exotic kind of shimmery bugs and occasionally told us how they were wanting to move to New York because "aint nothing new happens around here" and it was all awesome, I love all those towns and wish we could have stopped in more of them and talked to everyone.

We got into Columbia late Saturday and checked into this foul Motel 6 and proceeded to drink Ravenswood wine out of plastic cups whilst watching BABY MAMA.

Sunday we met Tink's awesome aunt Jacquie and her beau for brunch, and then went out to Jacquie's adorable house, which is on a horse farm, and it was all gorgeousness and swaying grass and gloomy sky and we got to hang out with horses and meet Jacquie's crazy dogs and see her glass work -- she has a whole studio in her basement, complete with kiln, and I fell in love with her old timey glass kaleidoscopes -- and she gave us a whirlwind tour of Columbia, including its bookstores, and then we was gone, off to Kansas with the clouds gathering overhead. And we listened to Goldfrapp and the Killers and sang like dorks I MEAN ANGELS and then lo and behold we'd done arrived in Lawrence, Kansas, at the home of one Krysztof Nemeth. And then we hung out with his adorable chillen, who were visiting, and then Chris and Lydia came over and some other friends and we all drank wine and ate pizza and listened to Pink Martini.

















The end.

Oh and here is a picture of YOURS TRULY AS A PIN-UP penned by the wondrous KRYSZTOF NEMETH who awaits our Sunday arrival in KANSAS with the most bated of breaths.

So I'm sitting at the Days Inn Graceland, where the pool in the shape of guitar is roodly unfilled tho I'm planning nonetheless to sit next to it in a bikini and with a large half coconut in hand later this afternoon, crooning Elvis tunes. Right now Joi and I are in a room full of Elvis photos and with at least two Elvis movies playing on the tv at all times, and soon we shall head to Graceland. It is all extremely glamorous, obviously.

I must mention tho how much fun we had in Nashville, staying with River and Owen and Titan in their house on a hill with a roaring fireplace and a porch overlooking a whole woods-filled valley. Yesterday River, Joi and I headed into town and hit up some bookstores, where I met people signed stock -- and David Kidd even had a copy of Rain Village, making it one of the BEST BOOKSTORES EVER -- and had lunch and went to the PARTHENON and did many other delightful things and ended up that night at one of those bars on Broadway watching a great rockabilly band. Then yesterday we all headed to the LOVELESS CAFE



and had some famous biscuits



and I bought some very fashionable pink guitar pick earrings which no you can't borrow and then we went to more bookstores and then there was a huge earth-shaking thunderstorm and with the rain pouring down and the sky blazing we rode along the gorgeous gorgeous Natchez Trace, all lined with lush green and some sluttily purple legs-wide-open flowers. I do like driving in a thunderstorm when the sky goes all smoky and lightning-charged and all the greenery gets bright bright bright, and it was pure loveliness, and then River dropped Joi and me off at our UHAUL and we headed off in the storm and made our way to Memphis, where, after driving around this devillish city about 50000 times trying to find our exit, we checked into our glamorous digs and then were whisked away by my friend Stephen for a night on the town. He showed us the weird pyramid here, and Beale Street, which I was just at two months ago BUT STILL, and then we ended up at Molly Fontaine's, this sparkly and decadent bar/restaurant/clubby place in an old mansion with a sweeping staircase, and we had wine and expressed undying love for each other and the universe in general.

THE END.

And here's River, Joi, and me at the Parthenon. You'd think we'd just stepped down from MT OLYMPUS itself now wouldnt you.

So yesterday Joi and I left Pigeon Forge and drove to Knoxville, where we stopped in a few bookstores -- Carpe Librum, Barnes & Noble, and Borders -- so I could sign me some books and say hello, and we met my third cousin Nathan and his wife Claire for lunch. Nathan is my mama's cousin Kathy's son and I didn't know about him until a few days ago, but he and Claire were completely lovely and adorable, a young artist/photography/film-making couple who are, among other things, making a low-budget zombie movie set in Knoxville. I MEAN REALLY. After, Joi and I glamorously headed to Nashville. It's a gorgeous, purple-flower-lined drive until you hit Nashville and suddenly 50000 freeways pop up and start twisting about and semis try to run you down and for a second I thought we were in Los Angeles but after losing our way once -- and I don't mean in the spiritual sense except, possibly, in Joi's case -- we got back on the right road and ended up outside the city in a lovely wooden house on the top of a hill, where River and her husband Owen and their wondrous dog (and my new best friend) Titan live. River and Owen could not be more gracious and we spent the evening in front of a roaring real fire drinking red wine. This morning we had coffee on the porch overlooking the woods and cavorted with Titan, and then River returned at lunch time and took Joi and me downtown and now we here we all are, sitting in a glorious cafe. And soon we will be somewheres else.

















THE END.